Potty training nul points - greens rock!

Parenthood is a challenge, no doubt about that. Things become even more complicated with a toddler who wants to be indepedent and do things his/her own way. As a first-time parent I had my ups and downs but with the passing of time I have learnt to be philosophical: you might lose some battles but you definitely win others...

Take potty training, a controversial rite of passage that has inspired entire books. Experts say it's easier for girls than boys, some even maintain you can do it in one week... For all those parents who are struggling with it and feeling frustrated, just relax and go with the flow. I have found out that my three year old is not the only one still in nappies and that that pushy phase when she reached the age of two was so wrong (and it did backfire)... Also it's not true that toddlers need to be dry to go to preschool. Several preschools in Cambridge seem happy to take toddlers who are still using nappies. I think we are not far, as the photo shows, but I'm not going to be potty mad, the last thing I want is a battle of wills.

One battle we definitely won is that for healthy eating. Our daughter exceeds the five-a-day requirement by gorging on fruit and veg several times a day. Here she is trying greens for the first time, which, surprisingly, went down well. So she might not be out of nappies but she certainly eats well and doesn't crave junk foods. I suppose it helps that we don't eat much junk foods ourselves (crisps and chocolate are occasionally consumed when she is gone to bed - we are not saints) and that we treat biscuits or the odd piece of dark chocolate as treats. It also helps that she prefers savoury stuff, especially fresh bread, salami and pickles.

So the moral of the tale is that it's best to stop obsessing with things that are not working out and focus with what is going well. Each child is different and is fascinating to find out what they are good at. So please leave a positive message and let me know what your child is doing well...

Christmas on a tight budget

Santa or Scrooge?

This year more than ever, we will have to scrimp at Christmas. I have written about leaner celebrations on other sites and publications - with titles like Cheap Christmas Cheer, Christmas on a Tight Budget and Beat the Credit Crunch: Christmas on a Budget - I am already starting to feel a bit more like Scrooge rather than Santa. But I'm not alone in my scroogehood, click here for an article on 50 ways to save money this Christmas.

Our household income has gone down and we are relying more on savings. Luckily, being a positive parent is all about giving the gift of time and attention, which are free at the moment as I haven't got that many work commitments.

I like to be active and productive so volunteering for various good causes has preserved my sanity. Before becoming a mum I had a career and skills and only using them (and my brain) can keep me away from the mental scrapyard. So I heartily recommend volunteering to those mums who want to engage their brain but need flexible timetables to accommodate child rearing. You never know, you might get a career out of it.

But back to the budget issue, I'm trying to find ways to make Christmas fun on a shoestring. This means using our old decorations, including the artificial tree and the plastic baubles. I'm sure Michela won't mind, like all toddlers she likes anything plasticy.

For presents we will be shopping around, not a novelty for us as in previous years we were careful with money for other reasons (buying a home and then going on maternity leave did hit our savings).

My great consolation is that in these tough times I am enjoying my daughter and she sees a lot of her Dad too. We have never been in favour of a too commercial Christmas anyway. Honestly, it's not sour grapes!

Obviously, we will shopping around for gifts. Prices of goods vary so much nowadays as some stores have amazing promotions to entice buyers. I have never seen as many as this year, obviously many people are not spending enough for retailers' liking.

So below are some discounts I have been emailed about, courtesy of Debenhams

Women
Lingerie 20% off womens Jasper Conran sleepwear and robes – offer ends 24th Dec -

Womens Accessories 30% off full price Nine West footwear – offer ends 24th Dec -

30% off Totes Gloves – offer starts 26th Nov and ends 12th Dec -


Men
30% off selected mens knitwear – offer ends 24th Dec -

25% off selected Shirts – offer starts 26th Nov and ends 24th Dec -

25% off selected Ties – offer ends 24th Dec -

£’s off selected outerwear – offer ends 24th Dec -

25% off selected designer seasonal accessories gift – offer ends 24th Dec –

Up to 50% off selected nightwear and slippers – offer ends 24th Dec -

Sports 20% off selected Womens sportswear – offer starts 26th Nov ends 24th Dec -

20% off selected kids sports clothing – offer ends 24th Dec




Home
20% off selected Cookware – offer ends 24th Dec -
 


20% off selected Decorative accessories – offer ends 24th Dec -


Gifts
20% off Meccano – offer ends 24th Dec -

Beauty VAT free on 500 Beauty products
 
Free gifts on Elizabeth Arden and Elemis, 10% off offer on YSL

Fragrance Event – either 30% or 50% off selected fragrances.

Why are people scared of the breastfeeding doll?

I came across this toy through a forum on Mumsnet. A bit of web research yielded a vitriolic article in the Daily Mail, which I find ridiculous. Aside the fact that I'm a breastfeeding helper, I find dolls that come with bottles hypocritical (in my case since my daughter always disliked bottles, no matter what was inside), so I got rid of it and encouraged my daughter to copy me. As I am still breastfeeding her and she loves aping whatever I do, she didn't find it 'disturbing'.

At the time it was released, Bebe Gloton made headlines in the US too and even across the pond, where breastmilk is on sale and is bought by adoptive parents and cancer sufferers, there were parents who said: 'Yes, I support breastfeeding, but my child is too young to know about it'.

As a positive parent I'm all for being open with my child. The other day I showed my toddler a picture of myself when pregnant and her scan and told her she was inside my belly before she was born. So I guess I made a start explaining the facts of life!

Breastfeeding dolls are not such a novelty anyway, we have the Boobie Buddy pictured below at the breastfeeding cafe, which is a hit with the toddlers. The dolly and her baby have magnets in strategic parts (mouth, hands, breasts of mummy, etc) and she's great as a demonstration tool, too.

Michela is on Bookstart!

I have submitted an edited version of my nursery rhymes blog to Bookstart and it's up with a pretty photo of Michela. You can see the page by clicking here.

If you want to know more about the origins of rhymes, read this page.

And this is the top ten list of the Nation's Favourite Nursery Rhymes, as voted by over 2,500 people living in the UK. Drumroll, please...


1.    Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
2.    Incey Wincey Spider
3.    Round and Round the Garden
4.    Baa Baa Black Sheep
5.    The Grand Old Duke of York
6.    If You’re Happy and You Know It
7.    Humpty Dumpty
8.    This Little Piggy
9.    Ring a Ring a Roses
10.   I’m a Little Teapot

Happy Nursery Rhymes Day!

A fun way to learn the 3 Rs

 After having worn us out, Michela lures Grandma to the reading chair

I have always been intrigued by nursery rhymes as I grew up in Italy, where there isn’t such a rich heritage in children’s poetry.

Many nursery rhymes are ancient and have lost their original meaning (for instance, some experts believe that Humpty Dumpty was a cannon used during the Civil War). So I acquired the excellent Oxford Nursery Rhyme Book by Iona and Peter Opie years before I became a parent (alongside a good collection of children’s literature). I agree with the Observer’s reviewer that this is 'the best collection of nursery rhymes ever'. It’s not a children’s book, it has a grown-up, scholarly feel to it with its woodcut illustrations.

Incidentally, nursery rhymes are the theme of this year’s National Bookstart Day. To celebrate, events have been organised on Friday 9 October nationwide, if you wish to join in, visit www.bookstart.org.uk/Parents/Events. And Bookstart is also giving away a booklet of favourite rhymes, voted in a national poll. Check out www.bookstart.org.uk for your free download - I will certainly get mine!

My enthusiasm for nursery rhymes has rubbed on my daughter who has an amazing repertoire at her tiny fingertips. She was a precocious talker and learnt to sing nursery rhymes early on. I used to bring her to Rhyme Time at my local SureStart centre when she was only a few weeks old!

Thanks to nursery rhymes, Michela has improved her vocabulary quickly and learnt to count up to 10 correctly at barely two years old. Nearly six months later, she is counting up to 20 correctly and beyond (hit and miss). How did she learn: through nursery rhymes containing numbers!

Good numeracy can be achieved through One two three four five, once a caught a fish alive (up to 10) and One, two, buckle my shoe (up to 20 if you know all the verses). Other great rhymes are Ten in the bed, Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed, Ten speckled frogs... And what about the 12 days of Christmas?

As she can recognise figures and do simple maths, we have two of the three Rs covered, the reading one is a work in progress as she is starting to learn the letters.

As positive parenting is all about encouraging a child to learn at his/her pace, I’m in no way pushing Michela to learn anything. In fact it's the other way round, at the end of the day, I’m pretty exhausted by all the teaching, singing and explaining she demands – and her dad agrees!

Breastfeeding as a parenting tool

On Fridays I volunteer at a local breastfeeding cafe. I used to do that in London, alongside one of my tutors (I think I mentioned in my first or second post that I did a breastfeeding course with a charity). Anyhow, I have been supporting breastfeeding mums for around a year and a half and it has been one of the most satisfying things that I have ever done. I'm not discounting other volunteering work I do for the NCT, but seeing tiny babies grow into beautiful, healthy toddlers can't be topped!

After this intro, allow me to take my breastfeeding volunteer's hat off and talk about my personal experiences (as a volunteer you are discouraged to use your own experience - the aim is to provide evidence-based, unbiased information). So with my hat off, let's talk about why I still breastfeed my two year old (pictured above). If I have to explain it in a nutshell, I'd use the expression I once encountered in the BfN's newsletter and which forms the title of this blog.

How can breastfeeding be a parenting tool? First of all, let me add that Michela drinks cow milk and eats plenty of dairy,  so breastmilk is not a 'necessity'.

Tool no.1: if she is naughty and I am running out of patience,  I say that I will give the breastmilk to her dad instead or even have it myself (sounds silly but it works). Of course I won't deprive her, but the threat is enough. Tool no.2: breastmilk is convenient and full of goodness. This became more apparent when we travelled across France and all the hotels had no fridges so I didn't have anywhere to store cow milk for her (I did order it in one cafe and they brought over the UHT milk, which is foul tasting to say the least). And the goodness? Well, breastmilk is packed with antibodies that fight disease - they also protect your baby from short/long-term health problems (and the mum, too, for more info click here). Well, it did work wonders for us as Michela has been to the GP twice since birth for illnesses (once for an eye infection passed on by another baby and the second time when she contracted a stomach bug). She has had colds but they don't last long and they are never serious. While I was very ill with my cough and cold she just had a little sniffle.

Let me make something clear now, I am not afraid to mention the F word (as in formula) and will not judge mothers who cannot or don't breastfeed - with my breastfeeding helper hat's and the NCT's one on, I aim to support all mums' choices. The NCT publishes a really lovely sheet called Reasons to Be Proud, which shows the benefits of even just one breastfeed for mum and baby (list goes up to 2 years of age).

Back to my theme. I have listed discipline and health and I will now add sleep aid as tool no.3. The only way to get Michela to have a daytime nap is to lure her into my bed for a breastfeed. And of course, it's very handy in the evening - no sleep routine needed. When she is gone, my partner transfers her in her bed.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had gone back to work inhouse. Well, I could have breastfed her in the mornings and/or evenings and at weekends. At this stage, whatever the frequency, the supply is there. Whether she breastfeeds once a day, three times or more, milk is made on demand.

I'm sure there are other tools to be added, but these are the main ones and they make my life easier. The WHO and Unicef recommend breastfeeding until 2 and beyond. This is crucial in countries where unsanitary conditions make formula feeding a health hazard for the babies. Don't take my word for granted, click here.

So why were mums who breastfeed toddlers and older children treated as freaks in the TV programme Extreme Breastfeeding? The reason is simple, ignorance. When Michela was a tiny baby and I saw a woman breastfeeding a toddler at a drop in for mums, I thought it was freakish. Now I'm the freak. That's poetic justice for you!

My top tips: more than tips, I'd like to recommend this site for any breastfeeding problem www.kellymom.com (it's incredibly comprehensive and it was recommended to me by my BfN tutors). For an overview of organisations that help breastfeeding mums, read www.simonecastello.co.uk/breastfeedingdebate.pdf; for tips on positioning and attachment, read www.simonecastello.co.uk/breastfeedingsupport.pdf.

Travel with a toddler... Auxerre & Annecy

Auxerre is a charming medieval town with narrow streets. We stayed at a hotel in the old town, which looked like a private dwelling. Our room was in an annexe in the courtyard. This type of houses are common, we found the charming brocante pictured above in another house, converted as an antiques shop. Downtown I recommend walking by the riverside, but do mind the mosquitoes at night!

On the way to Annecy, our final stop before Italy, we visited the Aire de Jugy. Aires are stops on the motorway that offer picnic facilites and toilets. Sometimes there are good restaurants and cafes too, so you can choose to eat in or bring your own.

If you want to eat at an aire, I recommend the Autogrill chain, which runs good establishments with great facilities. Their map is very good, although we had a Tom Tom, we often consulted it as even minor towns are clearly shown.

French motorways might be one of the most expensive in Europe but they are superb and in many tracts there was so little traffic the drive was relaxing too. Back to the Aire de Jugy, this is worth a stop because there are free play facilities shaped like mushrooms. Michela (pictured below) had a good time, as much as riding the hotel owner's big dog at Auxerre, which seemed to be trained to give children's rides. Pity I didn't snap her.



We arrived in Annecy early in the afternoon and it was sweltering, despite its proximity to the Alps. It's the cutest town I've ever seen, with plenty to see and do. It has narrow streets, old buildings, a castle on the hill, a river through it (see picture below) and restaurants spilling their tables on its banks. The local speciality are tartiflettes, which we couldn't sample. Annecy is very touristy so going to dinner at 9pm, like we did, is a no no.

There is also a grassy beach, basically a park by the lake and plenty of people were swimming. I regret not having a boat trip and not knowing about a beautiful outdoor pool, which only cost 8 euros for the three of us (Michela was too young to pay). Shame on the Rough Guide, for not mentioning this pool!

On the way to Italy we stopped at the Aire du Grenier, which had free games, such as a bouncing castle, table footy, a climbing frame, various table games and puzzles. The restaurants had a play area with books, a plastic kitchen and colouring materials.


My top tip: if you haven't got a portable dvd to entertain your toddler, take CDs of nursery rhymes and books. Car snacks are also essential (dried fruit, cereal bars, fresh French bread, madeleines, fruit...) to keep your toddler happy. They won't wait till the next stop if they are peckish.