 |
| Michela, 11 |
 |
| Michela, 12 |
Now my daughter is 12 and is finishing her first year at secondary school, I am suddenly feeling 'free' because she is more independent and my partner works from home so I can go to more networking events, work full time if I wish to without feeling guilty, work the odd weekend or treat myself to a non-family activity...
Looking back I did suffer post-natal depression, which made me hyperactive and then worked from home for three years to stay with Michela. I went back to work as a contractor when she was in primary school, starting part time, then full time for brief periods and doing volunteer work all along. I had my midlife crisis and a bout of severe depression, which was very similar to SAD but I refused to take antidepressant and tried other ways to pull myself out of it. Working and thinking of my daughter and partner who needed me did help, although I felt really dull inside and sometimes I had no feelings for my loved ones while I did not like myself one bit.
I want to show you my journey with photos and have picked the most unflattering one of my depressive months, although I am smiling you can see I am not really myself (I ate lots in summer as I felt happier and did not feel like eating in winter so my weight went up and down. This is a summer pic taken in Italy, in 2017, after I gorged myself for days in France - gorgeous, tempting food...).
Photo 1 and 2 is me in my 30s, before and during pregnancy (5 months, just before going to a swimming class); photo with green top is after pregnancy, I did manage to lose the baby weight. Jumping to my 40s... photo in the swimming costume, it's me looking happy on holiday after going through a difficult winter with SAD, surviving tennis elbow and set to face another awful winter and the onset of an eye condition. Small head and shoulder pic and picture in the orange dress is now... looking slimmer, happy and having found my style (not just hair and clothes but also a confident, calmer attitude). I am planning to write an ebook on how I conquered depression and how I manage it - it was there as a teenager, bit me really hard after pregnancy, but I am feeling good now...
