Saturday, 29 November 2014

10 things only women hitting 40+ will understand

Bring back old tech!

1. You rejoice when a cartoon you grow up with is revamped, but then don’t like the new animations, the new storylines... So you get a video off Freecycle/dust off old tech to show your child your videos and those you find in the only charity shop that still sells them.

Ban those pants!

2. You were secretly looking forward to early menopause to get rid of the monthly curse but then read an article that frightens you. You also worry that because you didn’t do those pelvic exercises after the birth, at least not regularly, you will be soon swapping sanitary protection with incontinence pants.

Tiger, not cougar

3. You can’t just stomach any violence, real or imaginary (aka films, TV, video games), but you are ready to pounce like a bloodthirsty tiger if somebody tries to harm/hurt your child in any way.

Thake That are still cool

4. You tap your foot and shake your hair to the music in Starbucks and feel quite hip. Until you realise the song was a hit many moons ago. Never mind, Take That are cool again!

Dancing queen having day off!

5. You give a Paddington's stare to the hip girl/boy who doesn’t hand you a nightclub flyer. Your life is not over and you still like a boogie thank-you-very-much! You organised all the school's discos for crying out loud.

Anybody for a poker face?

6. You  always feared injections but are considering dermal implants. You can’t believe that’s your face staring at you. You try a different hairstyle and then book a full facial.

Chocolate is not the enemy

7. You choose a low-fat snack but then get ambushed by a chocolate bar twinkling at you at the counter. Life is too short to count calories, dammit!

It's only a bag!

8. You feel compelled to purchase an expensive designer handbag just because you couldn’t afford it when younger and then feel guilty/worried when you read your child’s letter to Santa.

Secret office fantasies

9. You fancy a younger colleague but you’d die of embarrassment if he’d ever found out. You are married/cohabiting/have kids. But nobody can stop you from imagining all sort of things happening in your working hours. And you can give him a hug and friendly kiss at the Xmas party without nobody suspecting anything. You could probably get away giving that bottom a squeeze but you don't want to risk a summon from HR.

Where are those tweezers?

10. You suddenly notice that those two witch's hair growing just under your chin are darker and glossier. And your eyebrows are unruly and that moustache is thicker... You are not as brave as Frida so buy professional-grade tweezing tools.

Pictures from CC search. Credits: Eva Rinaldi from Sydney Australia via Wikimedia Commons, jeff_golden, David Gandy for GQ Japan by Arnaldo Anaya-Lucca, Sérgio (Savaman) Savarese, Saed de los Santos, Andrew Hurley, Dan Vidal, Wikimedia and Wikipedia

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